Are you kidding me, Democrats? I would vote for Super Trump and an entire presidential cabinet of mini-Trumps – each with his own belligerent Twitter account – over this washed up communist. Sorry, democratic communist.

It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if Bernie Sanders still lived in his mother’s basement in Vermont eating pot brownies and trying to sync up Pink Floyd and the Wizard of Oz. He’s a 78-year-old high school hippie. It’s funny at parties but, just like President Trump turning out to be the real-life President Camacho, it is terrible for the country. All the Democrats had to do was find someone less foolish than the current Commander in Chief. Instead, they’re like a group of teenagers in a horror movie heading into the basement without a flashlight.

That Castro guy built some good schools.

Imagine for a moment that Donald Trump said, “You know, that Adolf Hitler character was a bad guy, but he really built some nice schools.” The resulting concussion of simultaneous media heads exploding around Washington DC would knock the Earth off its axis.

Cuba’s literacy rate reached almost 100%! Here’s a scenario: I have 6 living creatures in my household. I could certainly achieve 100% literacy tomorrow if I shot the dog and strangled the children. The ends do not always justify the means and a murderous dictator does not deserve credit for apparently good results if you can’t be sure how he achieved them. Don’t tell Bernie, who said in his debate performance:

“When dictators do something good, you acknowledge that.”

No, you don’t. You don’t thank Jeffrey Dahmer for washing the dishes. The primary characteristic of the Cuban government under the Castros has been complete control of the population through terror and violence. None of these bogus utilitarian benchmarks mean a thing after that sentence.

Keep in mind, this is a party that gave Jimmy Fallon hell for “normalizing” the president of the United States, but suddenly they’re just fine with giving credit where they think credit is due when it comes to a guy who locks dissenters up in gulags and crushes free press and speech. Everyone can agree that we should work to eliminate homelessness. That doesn’t mean we should shoot them in the streets.

Furthermore, the Cuban literacy program was basically a propaganda program. It was Castro’s way of enshrining the false narrative of the revolutionary era into Cuban memory for all time. Here’s a bunch of people who can’t read. Let’s feed them a litany of bogus propaganda under the guise of education and then tell the rest of the world we taught them to read. Illiterate and free is far superior to literate slavery. Another word for this is brainwashing. Just like the guy in the audience who accidentally gets hypnotized instead of the person on stage, Bernie has been teetering around for 50 years spouting revolutionary propaganda like a hypnotized robot.

He’s not the real Santa Claus

Your definition of socialism isn’t the same as Bernie’s is the ugly step child of Stalin wasn’t a real communist. It’s a dumb argument when it’s made by people who know what they’re talking about. It’s far worse when it reaches the Twitter meme level of conversation.

 Arguments over true (insert ism here) are the adult equivalent of fifth graders arguing over which mall Santa was the real one. They’re all real because the actual Santa Claus doesn’t exist. Almost all these philosophical arguments are red herring forays into the intellectually flatulent world of academic semantics. True isms never exist outside the platonic imaginations of Marxist professors who keep hoping that this time, they’ll finally get it right.

Sanders isn’t a socialist, he’s a democratic socialist. Sure, and Adolf Hitler wasn’t a socialist either – he was a National Socialist. Bernie says he means less Cambodia and more Denmark, even though Denmark disagrees with his comparison. But what does that argument really mean? Democratic is just a fancy way of saying outnumbered. If five burglars enter your house and decide to steal your television, is it justified if they conduct a vote and hand you a paper ballot first?

Bernie’s core argument is that power is good so long as it is exercised on behalf of the workers, and by workers he means constituents who support his lunatic proposals. Any worker who doesn’t want his private health insurance to be taken away doesn’t count in Bernie’s estimation. Do you really think that worker will care whether Bernie seized control of the means of production according to the appropriate academic definition or whether he passes a junk bill through a corrupt congress?

Bernie isn’t running for dictator, even though he talks like one and the limitations of the presidency will constrain him just as they constrain Trump. The real danger is what he’s doing to the Democratic party. Especially after Trump’s transformation of the Republican party, a Democratic party that caters to the lunatic fringe at the expense of rank and file Americans will destroy itself. Lame duck Trump is the last person we need with a fully unified US government at his disposal. If the Democrats nominate Bernie, there is a real risk that’s where we’re headed for the next four years.